That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
birth control should be required to get into college
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Randomize
