drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
