It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
Randomize
