Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
