Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
