I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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