It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My dick has a subreddit
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Randomize
