I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
