i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
