where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Randomize
