i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
