I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize