My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
