I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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