i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
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