We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
This is classic penis vs brain.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
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