it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize