just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Randomize
