So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize