I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
