he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
