You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
