i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
