I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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