A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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