I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
