it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
They have beer where we have blood.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
