You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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