Just cropdusted the office
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
