Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
