The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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