Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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