dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
