I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
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