You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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