A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
