Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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