at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
