I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
