in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
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