omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Randomize
