So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
