I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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