I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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