The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
Randomize
