I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize