my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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