I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
