Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
