but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I licked your asshole in confidence.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
