Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Randomize
