i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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