You really coming over, don't trick.
Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
