you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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