How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize