Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
