you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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