I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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