So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
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