Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
