Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize