shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
we should paint friendship bongs
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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