I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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