I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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