i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
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