Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
