I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
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