that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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