halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
